silver stitches

from graduation day by tara just tara

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lyrics

maybe tonight's not the night i write songs
maybe it's the night i sit and watch the past go up in flames
maybe i cry, maybe i worry, maybe i talk, maybe i don't
maybe i don't know what to say

cause tonight, every breath i take is a eulogy for our past lives
soul transfusion through the ritual of breathe in, breathe out
the night sky as my witness, the moon hidden from view,
observations start to set in

like how there is power in the fact that you're not here

my sweet, we were two lions ruling the Savannah
sharing our hunts, sharing our feasts
protecting each other during lightning storms
why did you cast me out when i shaved my mane?

you have given me the silver lining i never wanted
i thought the cloud itself was golden
clearly my eyes were not adjusted to the light
shining on your vision of the future
where you sit alone beneath the desert sun

under this acid rain of emptiness
i can't help but wonder if the scar on my heart is big enough to stop it
or at least keep me wondering
when the next person to hold it will start lying like you did

if i will ever fall asleep in the arms of someone again
if i will every weave a tapestry of a life together with them
except this time, they match my every stitch with the same sincerity i have
and we piece a life together and stay

it seems fucking impossible

under an empty sky
under a bright moon reflecting a burning sun
am i capable of loving someone like that?
are you platinum-plated evidence that all the self-doubts i ever had are true?

you know
i always worried that was the truth lurking around every corner
that you were waiting to be carried into the arms of someone
who could make me look like the opening act

those fears never slept
and now they have a new set of razor-sharp teeth
ready to separate skin from bone
ready to tell me "the voice in your head was right the whole time"

how am i not supposed to blame myself?
a decade is up in flames now
and my name is on the smoke in the air

i don't know what happens next
all i can promise is that i'll keep breathing
no thanks to you

credits

from graduation day, released June 22, 2022

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tara just tara image

tara just tara New Jersey

never punk enough for your dad.

sounds from a new jersey trans woman.

glad you're here.

she/her

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